When children are involved in a divorce, it is important to remember that a court will consider what is in the best interest of the child when making child support, child custody and visitation (parenting time). But what is a child's best interest, exactly? At its core, it means that children benefit from loving relationships with both parents and have the right to expect to be emotionally supported, to develop at their own pace, and to have a childhood unburdened by adult responsibility -- such as being put in the middle of parental conflicts.

Courts consider a range of issues in determining what is in a particular child's best interest, but taking testimony and choosing between two options doesn't get to the fundamental question: What is a child's true best interest?

In a recent article in the Huffington Post, two parenting experts, Julie A. Ross, M.A., and Judy Corcoran, laid out the basics of parenting in your child's best interest. They proposed what they call "a divorced child's bill of rights." Basically, Ross and Corcoran argue, the most fundamental rights of each child are to be loved, and for their parents to focus on their wellbeing and happiness.

In practical terms, this means that children should have the right to express their feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative, and have them heard respectfully, even if those thoughts bring up difficult feelings in their parents.

Children also have the right to be treated with respect, and to live their lives without the burden of their parent's problems, responsibilities and conflicts.

In order to make sure that a child's best interests are the focus of parenting, both parents need to put aside their differences when they are with their child, discussing the other parent or transferring the child between parents. Parents should never place a child in the position of having to take sides, which can result in the child feeling resentful to one parent and disloyal to the other. One example of this is when one parent asks the child to keep a secret from the other parent, setting the child up for feelings of betrayal and guilt.

If you and your ex or divorcing spouse cannot get along, the best idea may be simply to keep your child out of all necessary communications between you. That way, your child's experience of the anger and frustration you may feel about misunderstandings and miscommunications can be kept to a minimum.

If you are a parent going through a divorce in California, please make your child's best interest your top priority. 

Source: The Huffington Post, "A Divorced Child's Bill of Rights," Julia A. Ross, M.A. and Judy Corcoran, Jan. 6, 2012